holding two emotions at once

I clicked on (submitted my name to) 15 congregations yesterday. I am officially “in search” for another ministry next year. I feel both excited and terrified. There are some really great things happening in those congregations, and wonderful people, whom it would be a pleasure to serve. And there will be lots of work to create a packet, and many (I hope!) interviews and exhilarating-and-exhausting precandidating weekends. And when (if? no—when) I am called to a congregation, there will be the hassle of moving, and the pain of moving away from friends and (likely) further away from family.

When I consulted a friend’s Tarot deck about a new position, I drew The Hanged One: tumult, fear but success, with the key being “Not my will, but Thine.” Isn’t that always the case? I will go where the Spirit moves me, and it will be scary, and it will ultimately work out for the best. It has thus far.

My therapist says one definition of health is the ability to hold two emotions simultaneously—for example, the fear of, and hope of, a new professional ministry. Perhaps this is a demonstration of how healthy I am!

God of Life and Death, Spirit of Change and Unceasing Love,
I am grateful for this opportunity and challenge
I am grateful for the strength and patience to do it well
I desire clear guidance through the process
I pledge to conduct this search with integrity and an open heart
Praise for life
So may we be.